You pull up to the window with a family sized bucket and a mountain of chips and you politely ask the cashier for just a little bit more of that magic salty dust. What do you get? Usually a cold stare and a single tiny white packet that barely covers three fries. It is a local tragedy that has been playing out for years but it seems someone has finally found a way to turn our collective misery into a high stakes hustle.
A mystery man has set up shop right in the heart of the Somerset West taxi rank and he is currently the most talked about person in the basin. He is not selling fruit or loose cigarettes or even phone chargers. No this entrepreneur is sitting on a plastic crate with a backpack overflowing with hundreds of those elusive silver and white KFC salt packets. And because he knows exactly how much we crave that secret blend he is fleecing the community for every cent he can get.
THE R8.50 RACKET
The price for a single small baggie containing just a few of these stolen treasures is a staggering R8.50. It is a massive markup that has left the local commuters feeling annoyed AF but the truly irritating part is that people are actually paying it. Because let’s be honest there is nothing on this earth that tastes better on a bag of slap chips than that specific secret seasoning.
“It is a total rip off” said one regular commuter who was eyeing the stash while waiting for his taxi to Lwandle. “We all know the struggle at the drive-thru. You beg and you plead and they act like you are asking for a gold bar. Then you come to the rank and this guy has thousands of them? How the hell does he have so many? It does not make any sense unless he is raiding the delivery trucks or he has a cousin working in the spice factory.”
WHERE IS THE LEAK?
The question on everyone’s lips at the rank is the logistics of the operation. To have a handful of packets is one thing but to have a literal mountain of them suggests a security breach of epic proportions. Some bystanders have suggested that there must be a “Mole in the Mash” somewhere in the local supply chain. Others are convinced he is simply a master of the “multiple window” strategy where he drives through ten times a day just to gather his inventory.
Whatever the source the community is divided between being impressed by his cheek and being absolutely fuming at the cost. In a town where every cent counts paying nearly nine rand for something that is supposed to be free feels like a punch in the gut. But as the lunch hour rush hits the rank and the smell of fresh chips fills the air you can see the internal struggle on every face. Do you eat your chips plain or do you contribute to the retirement fund of the Somerset West Spice King?
STREET SIDE SALT SAGA
The mystery merchant is not exactly shy about his business either. He sits there with a smug look on his face as he counts his coins knowing full well that he has a monopoly on the most addictive substance in the Helderberg. He does not offer discounts for bulk buys and he certainly does not give out samples.
“I saw a lady buy five bags at once” said a nearby vendor who sells sunglasses. “She was complaining the whole time about the price but she still handed over the cash. That is the power of the Colonel. People will complain about the fleecing but they will still come back for more. It is a genius move if you think about it but it still makes me want to scream when I think about how hard it is to get just one packet at the actual shop.”
As the sun sets over the taxi rank the spice man packs up his backpack and disappears into the crowd likely to return tomorrow with a fresh supply of salt and a fresh set of prices. Until the local fast food outlets start being a bit more generous with their seasoning it looks like the Somerset West Spice King will continue to reign supreme over the hungry masses.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Are you one of the people paying R8.50 for a hit of the secret spice? How do you think he is getting his hands on so many packets when the rest of us can’t even get two? Tell us your theories in the comments below!
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