The Motoring Desk examines Somerset West’s most functional informal institution: the man who was not there when you parked, appeared between your parking and your return and is now gesturing you out of a bay you can exit perfectly well without assistance
He was not there when you arrived.
You pulled into the bay, gathered your things, locked the car and walked to wherever you were going. The bay was empty. There was no one. You noted this, if you noted it at all, in the automatic background-processing way that we note all unremarkable things.
When you returned, he was there.
Where he came from, how long he had been there, whether he was there all along and you simply did not see him — these are questions the Somerset West car guard ecosystem does not invite and does not answer. He is there. He is gesturing. The transaction is under way.
THE GESTURE
The gesture is the foundation of the institution. It is a specific motion — hands raised, palms outward, moving in a way that means: I am watching behind you, I am your eyes, proceed with confidence. The gesture is offered regardless of whether the bay behind you is occupied or empty, tight or spacious, straightforward or genuinely requiring guidance.
We have reversed out of bays with two metres of clearance on every side, in broad daylight, in a car with a reversing camera, while being guided out by a car guard with the focused intensity of a ground crew marshalling a 747. We followed the guidance. The car reversed out exactly as it would have without the guidance.
This is not the point. The point is not the guidance itself but the act of guardianship — the statement that this car, in this bay, in this parking area, was watched. Whatever may or may not have happened to other cars in other bays on other days, this car was attended to. This is the service. It is an intangible service, but Somerset West has decided, collectively, that it has value.
THE TRANSACTION
You will tip him. We are not telling you to tip him. We are observing that you will tip him because Somerset West tips car guards and because the alternative — declining to tip, driving away, conducting a principled stand on the theoretical question of whether watching a car constitutes a service worthy of remuneration — is an option that almost nobody actually takes.
The amount is informal and self-negotiated. It varies by the length of your shopping trip, the quality of the guidance received, the enthusiasm of the gesture and various personal factors that you apply instinctively without consciously applying them. The car guard receives the tip, thanks you, often wishes you well in terms more generous than the amount strictly warrants and the interaction concludes with both parties having behaved, within the customs of the institution, correctly.
Hettie van der Westhuizen, who has views on most things, told us she considers the car guard a genuine community employment structure in an economy where formal employment is not available to everyone. She said this while tipping the car guard at Waterstone, who thanked her and told her to have a blessed day. She said she intended to.
We found this exchange to be a more efficient piece of community-building than anything the municipality has managed recently.
THE BOUNDARY QUESTION
There is, in fairness, a version of the car guard interaction that stretches the institution beyond its natural parameters. The unsolicited windscreen clean. The uninvited commentary on parking technique. The car guard at a location where you parked for four minutes to collect something and did not require or want oversight of any kind.
These are edge cases and they are handled, by both parties, through a negotiation so practised that it barely registers. The driver conveys, through pace and body language, that the transaction will be brief and the gratuity proportional. The car guard adjusts accordingly. Both parties move on.
Somerset West has been running this system for long enough that the calibration is, mostly, very good.
CONCLUSION
The car guard is one of Somerset West’s more successful informal institutions. It operates without a constitution, without formal employment structures and without any document setting out the rights and responsibilities of either party. It runs on custom, goodwill, a shared understanding of what is being exchanged and the human instinct to acknowledge service when it is offered.
It works better than several things that have been formally planned and extensively budgeted for.
We will leave that observation there.
The Helderburger Motoring Desk tips car guards. We do not discuss the amounts. This is between us, the car guard and the parking karma that we are fairly sure is a real thing.
THE HELDERBURGER
Motoring Desk
Kobus Liebenberg
Be the first to comment