Reader-submitted stories, amusing observations, community gripes and local curiosities. Submissions may be edited, anonymised or fictionalised and are presented for humour, satire and community entertainment. All coincidences are merely that. :-)
Originally Posted on The Domestic DispatchAll the news that was none of your business until now Breaking: Third cousin’s new haircut rated “suspicious” by all five agencies. Developing: Someone’s been lying about their age since 1994. A bombshell exposé reveals a vast, decentralised network of domestic surveillance operations, each claiming exclusive jurisdiction over your personal…
UAE billionaire “deeply passionate about conservation,” plans to preserve mountain “mostly” Sheikh Hamdan Al-Malik Al-Farouq Al-Noor, 43, who already owns three private islands, a glacier in Iceland and what his spokesperson describes as “a minor share” in the Maldives, has confirmed his intention to acquire the Helderberg Nature Reserve — describing it as a “charming…
The peaceful atmosphere of the Strand beachfront has been somewhat dampened this week by a very vocal protest from a local resident who has officially declared a total boycott of every establishment along Beach Road. The reason for this dramatic stand is a series of confrontations regarding his four legged companion and a stubborn refusal…
You pull up to the window with a family sized bucket and a mountain of chips and you politely ask the cashier for just a little bit more of that magic salty dust. What do you get? Usually a cold stare and a single tiny white packet that barely covers three fries. It is a…
There was a time when the amateur radio frequencies of the Helderberg were a sanctuary of polite technical exchange and weather reports from the Hottentots Holland mountains. It was a hobby built on a foundation of mutual respect and a strict adherence to international broadcasting standards. However that era of civility appears to have come…
SOMERSET WEST – In a world of fancy gelato shops and expensive mall milkshakes there is one sound that still sends the children of the Helderberg running for the garden gate. The familiar ring of a bicycle bell echoes through the suburban streets as Dennis Arendse makes his daily rounds bringing a bit of old…
SOMERSET WEST – There was a time when moving into one of the massive new developments in the Helderberg expansion zones was considered the ultimate “I’ve made it” moment. Thousands of residents have handed over millions of rands for the promise of high-end security, manicured parks, and the kind of build quality you only see…
There comes a time when every resident has to stop and ask themselves if they are actually living in a world class suburb or a construction site that has been abandoned since the nineties. While the council members are busy in their air conditioned offices it is our senior citizens who are currently on the…
Move over recruitment agencies and online job boards because the real employment boom in the Helderberg seems to be happening right at the red lights. Anyone who has driven down Main Road or sat at the R44 intersection lately will have noticed that the local robots are busier than a Monday morning at home affairs….
Forget those fancy boutique treatments and imported face masks that cost more than a weeks worth of groceries. A growing number of local beachgoers are claiming that the recent dark tint in the water at Strand Beach is actually a natural miracle for the skin despite some people making a fuss about what is actually…
