The Village Parking Lot

A sociological study
The Motoring Desk returns to the field to investigate what the white lines mean, who has right of way and whether the space near Woolworths will ever actually become available. For liabilities we will not disclose the parking lot in question.

Following the overwhelming response to last investigation into the Lourens Street traffic circle, by which I mean three people stopped me outside Checkers to say they agreed and one man I don’t know sent a voice note, the Helderburger Motoring Desk has widened its investigation to include the Village parking area.

We wish to state at the outset that we use the word “parking area” deliberately. It is not, in any meaningful sense, a parking lot. A parking lot implies order, logic and a shared understanding of which direction vehicles should be travelling at any given moment. The Village offers none of these things. What it offers instead is approximately 1341 bays, several entry and exit points, a Woolworths and the most complex informal social contract in the Helderberg.

THE FACTIONS

Our fieldwork, conducted over three separate visits, identified six distinct categories of The Village parking user.

The Hoverer occupies the driving lane at low speed, following pedestrians at a distance of two metres in the hope that one of them is walking to a car that will vacate a bay in the next section. The Hoverer is undeterred by pedestrians who are clearly walking to the entrance or to another section or who simply appear to be walking for recreational purposes. The Hoverer will follow them all the way to the Clicks if necessary.

The Diagonal Parker has placed their vehicle across a line in a manner that suggests either a moment of inattention or a deep philosophical objection to the concept of bay boundaries. The Diagonal Parker is always gone by the time you return to your car, having been replaced in the adjacent bay by someone who has parked so close that the only way to retrieve your vehicle is through the sunroof.

The Optimist is waiting for the bay near Woolworths. There is always an Optimist waiting for the bay near Woolworths. In three visits across four weeks, we did not once observe that bay becoming available. We have begun to suspect it may be decorative.

The Emergency Lane Enthusiast has determined that the yellow line at the entrance.A legitimate temporary parking option, particularly if you leave your hazards on. Hazards, in the Emergency Lane Enthusiast’s philosophy, function as a form of moral absolution. You may park anywhere, for any duration, if your hazards are engaged. This is not what hazards are for. We refer this person to Meneer Swanepoel.

The Person Who Stops in the Middle to Answer a WhatsApp requires no explanation. You know who you are.

The Surrendered has driven around the parking area three times, has concluded that nothing will become available before Thursday and has parked on the far outer edge near the exit where it is always quiet and where, if they are honest with themselves, they could have parked seven minutes ago.

We identified ourselves as The Surrendered. We made peace with this.

RIGHT OF WAY

The question of right of way in the Village parking area is technically governed by standard road rules: traffic in the main thoroughfare has priority over traffic entering from bays and common sense governs the rest.

In practice, right of way is determined by the following factors, in descending order of influence: vehicle size, confidence, eye contact successfully avoided and whether you have already committed to the manoeuvre to a degree that makes reversing socially awkward.

We observed no fewer than four stand-offs during our fieldwork. All four were resolved through a combination of small forward movements and the kind of tight-lipped smile that means: I am letting you go, but I want you to know that I know I had right of way and I will remember this.

CONCLUSION

The Village parking area is, at its heart, a community project. It requires cooperation, patience, spatial awareness and the willingness to park near the exit and walk. Most days, somehow, it works. People find bays. Groceries are loaded. Life continues.

The Optimist near Woolworths is still there, though. We checked on the way out. We did not have the heart to say anything.

The Helderburger Motoring Desk validated three parking tickets during the course of this investigation and considers this a legitimate research expense.

THE HELDERBURGER
Motoring Desk

Kobus Liebenberg